Healing Hearts Renewing Minds

Priorities: "

This time last year I was still marveling over the whispers God placed in my ears and imbedded in my heart:

- “you…such a time as this”

- I rescued you from your own self, from your sins, and from your past;

your future was doomed without Me.

- You have a letter – share it boldly, in My name

- You know women who will help, pray, guide, encourage…

elicit them, ask them.

- Look, I gave you my son, birthed in the dirtiness of a barn,

what are you waiting for? Do it now, if for Me.

With the prayers, technical assistance, and encouragement of a few ladies, this site was pulled together and launched in less than one month. I was blown away by not only the help, but by the immediate response. By the need.

With the initial launch, and for the first few posts, many people visited. I looked at the site meter. Of course I did. Then two weeks later, we moved again, our second move in four months. It took some time to get semi-settled and to get things rolling here. Next, things waned here and visits spiraled down and admittedly my focus got hazy and my selfLESSness got out of whack.

I regrouped, refocused, and repurposed because your healing is what matters. Even when I have been absent in words, you have been as close as my every heartbeat. I felt (and still feel a bit awkward) that I have let you down. But then God comes and shine His bright light of Truth and I realize that if this ministry's whole purpose was to free one woman in the first week of its launch, then it all has been well worth it.

Due to the variables of my family's recent relocation saga, we moved again last month. Our third move in just over one year. So, absent I have been again. Hopefully this leg of our journey will last more than a few months as we finally found a home to buy. So, here I am once more, knee-deep in boxes, clutter, and disorganization. Folks, this is not the way I want to start a new year. Not only is my home a mess, but honestly, I fear that my heart is also a mess. Again.

I wanna start things right with the ringing in of a new year.

- Who doesn't?

I wanna be organized.

- Who doesn't?

I wanna do something spectacular this year.

- Who doesn't?

I wanna, I wanna, I wanna...

That is beginning to sound a lot like whining. And I don't know about you, but whining is b-aaad. It shreds me like moldy cheese over a grater. I do not like it. I don't tolerate it from my kid so why do I tolerate it from the recesses of my own heart? Me, me, me, I , I, I.

Like most of you, I need a Titus 2 leader in my life. Someone who speaks only His Truth, someone who encourages, and someone who understands real women seeking God. Someone who understands that the seeking and chasing oftentimes includes slipping and falling and standing and reaching, yet again.

Please take some time to either listen to and/or read these podcasts and articles by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. She is leading women along a path of PRIORITIES for the upcoming new year. Even though I don't know her in-person, I know her in sisterhood of Christ and sometimes she helps fill that Titus 2 woman gap for me.

'Now, I want to begin today, and over the next several days, to share some thoughts about how to get our priorities in the right order. We’re especially focusing on this matter of how we use our time—priorities as they relate to our time. What I’m going to do is to take the word priorities—priorities—and make an acronym out of it, with each of those letters, suggesting something that will help us get our priorities in order.' (Nancy Leigh DeMoss)

I think her teachings will help me (and possibly you too?) to trade the Me, me, me, I, I, I for the Him! Him! Him! Let's trade the whining for the shining.

Your wounds matter.

The healing of your hearts and the renewing of your minds matter. You matter to me. And most importantly, to God.

Dec. 27: State of Bondage

'Asking Him to order my steps . . . Once I’ve inquired of Him, and I’ve been in His Word and on my knees and sought His heart and believed that He has directed me, then I can trust that even if that decision puts pressure on me, that there will be grace to deal with that pressure.' (DeMoss)

Dec. 28: Review God's Priorities

'Now, here’s the concept that has challenged me over the years, and I have to go back to this every day of my life. If I’m too busy to cultivate my relationship with God by the means of grace God has provided for me, then I’m too busy. Then something is wrong and something has to change.' (DeMoss)

In the spirit of Truth, let us join together and encourage one another, to love God, and to love others. But before we can do that...we need to get our priorities straight, not only for the new year, but for our new hearts in Christ.

Friends, please feel free to leave comments, send emails, and/or link here to Healing Hearts, Renewing Minds. What started out last year as a place of rest and redemption for post-abortion women (& men), will broaden this year to include all the wounded.

We all have pasts. We have hurts. But by the grace and love of Christ, He holds our todays and our tomorrows. Are you ready for a new year and a new you--in Him?

Let us humbly pray:

Father God, You hold each one of us in the palm of Your gracious hand and You love us with a love so big nothing can compare. Some of us come to You and willingly hand over all of our tattered and ripped baggage while others cling to broken luggage, unwilling and unable to surrender the wounds. Lord, I ask that You give each one the strength to release their grasp on their past so that You will be able to heal and renew with redemption, restoration and love. Lord, let this be a place, a community where folks find Truth, encouragement and safety. Lead us by the Light of Your Truth. In Jesus' name, amen.

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. (Matthew 6:33 NKJV)

Jesus said to him, “ ‘You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ (22:37)

"

Heading Home

Stepping into the Unknown: "A new Year. A new beginning. A new unknown territory.

A scary journey at times. I wonder...will I have the courage to step out into the unknown as Abraham did...

“He went without knowing where he was going.” (Heb. 11:8b NLT)

As I stand here with my toes on the threshold of the New Year, positioned on the border of unknown territory, I know that God knows where He and I are going. Do I then go forward in faith’s victory to possess this New Year...or remain frozen in victim’s defeat, allowing it to possess me?

A myriad of challenges will confront me each day. How will I handle them?

As Jesus once said to a man whom He was about to heal, “Step forward.” (Mark 3:3b NKJV) Will I step forward believing and trusting for the answer to that which I need, remembering what God has done for me in the past? Or will I hang back in the shadows afraid to move ahead, forgetting God’s providence?

Just as God told Isaiah, He says you and me, “Remember the things I have done in the past. For I alone am God! I am God, and there is none like Me.” (Is. 46:9 NLT)

God will again make His provisions available in the New Year for it is in His plan for each of us. He says, “I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.” (Jer. 29:11 Msg)

However, His plan will only unfold daily, as we trust Him for each step.

As God led every step of the Israelites’ journey to the new land, so He still leads us today. When we take those wobbly steps into the unknown, what will this new land hold for us?

We may encounter...

* joys unspeakable
* smooth paths of guidance
* lush pastures of provision
* varied hilltop experiences
* spiritual blessings in abundance

However, we may also encounter...

* desert dryness
* valley mists and fogs
* wilderness wanderings
* gremlins hiding behind bushes
* paths with potholes and pitfalls
* steep uphill climbs and dangerous downhill slides

Challenges will meet us at every turn; some easier to handle than others. But God will work in all the ups and downs of those trials, heartaches, and blessings.

He does this for us because of His compassion and mercy. Jeremiah tells us, “Yet there is one ray of hope: His compassion never ends. It is only the Lord’s mercies that have kept us from complete destruction. Great is His faithfulness; His loving-kindness begins afresh each day.” (Lam. 3:21-23 TLB)

Be assured that no matter what happens on your journey this year, He is the source of your fresh mercies every morning. He will never fail you. He will walk by your side along each rocky bend in the road and carry you through each heartache and loss.

God will see you through to the end of next year. Will you live as Abraham...“By faith he dwelt in the land of promise as in a foreign country.” (Heb. 11:9a NKJV)

We live our outward days on earth as in a foreign country, for we abide in God’s Kingdom of promise within us. Therefore, each day brings a new threshold into eternity. How can we not welcome it with willing feet and open arms?

I am ready to step into the journey of each new day of this year, greeting each one in faith and with God’s mercy.

How about you? Are you ready? How will you greet the challenges of your new journey?

I’m finishing this post with a different twist...a quote from Dr. Seuss, with one word change...

“You’re off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your [journey] is waiting,
So...get on your way!”
May each day, though filled with a trial, bring you a smile and a blessing!

**This post is part of Christian's Writers blog chain. Please visit the other posts listed in the sidebar. Thanks!**

"

Happy, Healthier You

10 Surprising Health Boosters: "Each month, SELF reports on some of the biggest trends and breaking news that women need to know to be their healthiest and happiest."

Godsy Girl(TM)

"I'm so glad you can do that!" - Spiritual Gifts in God's Kingdom: "

My Mom- Ms. Ethel, Me and Mom Porter

Have you ever observed someone's spiritual or natural gift and thought, 'Wow! That is so cool!'

Now, I'm not talking evil-spirited jealousy or envy, just an admiration for someone's talent or proficiency.

For me, it's intercessory prayer. Hey, I know we can all intercede, but there is a special gift associated with intercession that some people have and others do not.

For example, my spiritual mom and mentor Carrie Porter is a highly anointed intercessor. She knows how to listen to others and pray for their needs categorically. It's mind blowing! You think you're just chatting and she's listening for what to pray for the entire time. At the conclusion of each visit or call, like clockwork she prays for you - remembering every need or concern you mentioned during your time together!

In public, she's almost compelled to pray for people. It's nothing to be in the mall or restaurant and have Mom Porter ask someone 'May I pray for you?' I tell you, one hundred percent of the time people says 'yes'! Big burly dudes, sophisticated professionals...whatever, they say 'yes'! Then, with eyes open, she inconspicuously prays for them right there on the spot! You can almost always see the peace on their faces after the prayer. Wild!

I know so many others with this gift of intercession. My mom is, Ethel is another one with this gift. She is also VERY discerning. What a perfect combo.

We each have wonderful gifts and I thank God for mine. But, I really praise God for those gifted intercessors.

How about you? What gifts do you really admire in the Kingdom?

Not sure of your gifts? Check out this Spiritual Gifts Inventory
(Let me know how it works for you)

"

Feast on the Cheap

Butternut Bread with Quick Ginger-Apple Butter: "Makes 1 loaf of bread and about 1 pint of ginger-apple butter Mariel here. Happy New Year! If you’re anything like me, the calendar change came and went with little fanfare: I ate an entire cheese plate, my husband and I belatedly cut into our wedding day cake topper (and didn’t get sick from eating [...]"

Faith Imagined

In Courage: The Gift of Contentment: "

I have a guest post on (In) Courage today! It is an article that helped me become a better wife and mother! I pray it blesses you.

The Gift of Contentment

We were at the beach, and my oldest son was collecting seashells. I asked him what he was going to do with all of them. He said he was going to make a necklace for a special girl. I thought of all the little girls in his circle of friends, and one in particular came to mind. I asked, “Does her name start with a C ?”

He said, “No, her name starts with an L .”

I went through the short list of little girl L names I knew, even mentioning some of the mommies with L names. But with a smile, he said no to each one. Then I thought of my name. Although my name is Alisa (uh-lĭs-uh), my husband usually takes out the beginning A and calls me (lĭs-uh).

I called my son close to me and whispered in his ear, “Is it lĭs-uh ?” He smiled and blushed and nodded his head yes. I gave him a big hug, and all that day I felt like a treasure. My son may have confused my name, but it didn’t affect how I felt about his eagerness to bless me.

Isn’t it beautiful how the love we have will overlook the small mistakes and focus on the show of devotion?

You can read the rest at (In) Courage here.

"

Faith Imagined

Face to Face: "

Moses is exhausted. He is the only person diligently seeking God in the entire, nomadic nation of Israel. He finally cries out to God, 'I can't carry all these people by myself! The load is far too heavy! If this is how you intend to treat me, just go ahead and kill me. Do me a favor and spare me the misery!' (Numbers 11.14-15 NLT).

I smile when I read this because Moses' humility is so apparent. Many times pride steals our willingness to seek help. But not Moses -- he was overwhelmed, and he let it be known. He was the single intercessor between God and the Chosen People, and he knew he had reached the end of his capability.

God does something amazing for Moses that demonstrates His divine grace. He takes some of His Spirit that He has placed on Moses and puts it on 70 Elders of Israel. It is obvious that these leaders didn't receive this Spirit by their own efforts. Two of the men who hadn't bother to show up to the anointing meeting received the Spirit as well. They disobeyed direct orders, yet God gave them His Spirit.

Moses' apprentice, Joshua, is at the anointing meeting, and he has never seen anybody but Moses prophesy (speak God's will) in the Spirit. He becomes very upset, and he pleads with his teacher, 'Moses, my master, make them stop!' Joshua has been learning from Moses for a while, and I'm sure he feels jilted. How could these men receive for free what he has been working for all of his life? Joshua experiences first hand the beauty of grace: a gift not based on the receiver, but on the Giver.

Moses' humility is displayed yet again when he looks at his young assistant and says, 'Are you jealous for my sake? I wish all the Lord's people were prophets and that the Lord would put his Spirit upon them all!' (Numbers 11.29 NLT) (emphasis added)

Moses is a shadow of Jesus. Jesus is our intercessor, and God gives us His Spirit because of His love for us and the sacrifice that Jesus made for our mistakes. Jesus wants His sacrifice to spill God's anointing on every person. I'm sure Jesus repeats Moses' words, 'I wish all the Lord's people were prophets and that the Lord would put his Spirit upon them all!'

A prophet is a person who hears from God, who sits with God, who sees God face to face and who communicates God's will. Yes, the gifting of prophecy can manifests in other ways, but the visions, dreams and riddles are merely outward signs of an inward discipline -- seeking God. All Christians are called to sit with God, seek His will and tell others about His glory. At salvation we were gifted with spiritual ears that hear God's voice. But are we using them?

Are we filling our lives with the world or with Him? If we want the fullness of God's Spirit moving in our lives, we have to make room for Him. If we want to discern His voice, we have to listen to and recognize it. If we want to tell the world about Christ, we have to seek Him every day and read His Word. We are honored with the power to communicate with God at any time. He waiting for us. We just need to sit and talk with Him -- face to face!

Question: What can you sacrifice or submit to this year to make room for God? What have you heard from God today?

And the Lord said to them, “Now listen to what I say:
“If there were prophets among you,
I, the Lord, would reveal myself in visions.
I would speak to them in dreams.
But not with my servant Moses.
Of all my house, he is the one I trust.
I speak to him face to face,
clearly, and not in riddles!
He sees the Lord as he is.
So why were you not afraid
to criticize my servant Moses?”

- Numbers 12.6-8 NLT (emphasis added)

"

Crosswalk.com

Do You Expect me to Forgive You?: "Have you noticed how the world treats the issue of forgiveness? On television for example, it’s almost a virtue to withhold forgiveness particularly if the offense is especially hurtful. "

Breast Cancer News

Many Women Do Not Get Regular Mammograms: "Despite professional recommendations and public support in favor of regular mammography, only about half of US women get an annual mammogram, even if they have insurance to cover the test. These results were presented at the 2010 San Antonio Breast ..."

Bible Gateway's Verse of the Day

Amos 5:14-15: "“Seek good, not evil, that you may live. Then the LORD God Almighty will be with you, just as you say he is. Hate evil, love good; maintain justice in the courts. Perhaps the LORD God Almighty will have mercy on the remnant of Joseph.”"

Becentsable

Retail Coupons: "

• Barnes & Noble - Free cookie with any 1/2 soup/sandwich purchase Exp 1/10


• Barnes & Noble - 30% off one Kids Book, Toy or Game Exp 1/10


• Bath & Body Works - $10 off $40 Exp 1/14


• Bath & Body Works - Free Signature Collection Travel Size Item with any Purchase Exp 1/26


• Border’s - 33% off one item Exp 1/10


• Coldwater Creek - 15% off purchase Exp 1/11


• ESPRIT - 20% off purchase


• Family Christian Store – 25% off regular price or 10% off sale price Exp 1/23


• Family Christian Store - BOGO 50% off Exp 1/16


• Gordman’s - 20% off purchase Exp 1/30


• Hobby Lobby - 40% off regular priced item Exp 1/8


• JC Penney - $10 off $50 Exp 1/10


• JC Penney - Free Sample of Donna Karan Cashmere Mist Liquid Nude Fragrance Exp 1/12


• Kirkland - 20% off one item Exp 1/14


• Michael’s - 40% off regular priced item Exp 1/8


• Nine West - 15% off $65+ purchase Exp 1/31


• Office Depot - $10 off $50 Exp 1/10


• Payless - 20% off purchase Exp 1/16


• Sunglass Hut - Free Care Kit & Visor Clip with $15 purchase Exp 2/6


• Ulta - $3.50 off $10 Exp 1/22


• World Market - $10 off $30 Exp 1/9


• Yankee Candle - $10 off $25 Exp 1/15
  

Thanks, Your Retail Helper
Retail Coupons is a post from: Becentsable

American Diabetes Association News

Study: 1 in 3 Women Not Screened for Gestational Diabetes: "A new study of more than more than 900,000 pregnant women in the United States suggests that about one-third are not screened for gestational diabetes."

A Virtuous Women

Symbols in the Book of Revelation: "The Book of Revelation: Study #2
Symbols. The Book of Revelation is filled with mysterious symbols. Why? For the same reason that Jesus spoke in parables. In Luke 8:10 Jesus says, “You are permitted to understand the secrets of the Kingdom of God. But I use parables to teach the others so that the Scriptures [...]"

5 Minutes for Books

Breaking Night: "

Reading Breaking Night: A Memoir of Forgiveness, Survival, and My Journey from Homeless to Harvard reminded me about the adversities that so many people face in their day to day life. It also gave me hope that no one is beyond hope or help, and that there is more to a person’s story than what you might perceive.

If you liked Jeanette Walls’ hugely popular and moving memoir The Glass Castle, you will probably like this book. If you couldn’t bear to read it, you definitely won’t want to read this one. If you are looking to have your eyes opened to the tragedy of children who are neglected by parents who value getting high more than making sure that their children are clean and fed, then dive in.

In Breaking Night, Liz Murray’s writing is descriptive, yet not flowery. She tells of the horrors of poverty she endured almost as an observer. Where this book diverges from the The Glass Castle is that Murray almost got pulled down as well. The bulk of the story tells about her struggle to stay motivated to attend school from about the time she was 11 on. There were many reasons and excuses for it, but in the end, her story shed light on how so many kids can end up on the wrong path.

But as the subtitle tells us, there is hope and restoration. Liz Murray eventually gets her act together and ends up being accepted on scholarship at Harvard.

I am curious if she’s writing another memoir, because though it was obvious that she was always an intelligent child, I’m curious how her transition into life at Harvard went. The book ends with the reader not even knowing if she got into Harvard or not, but the title and the bookjacket tells you that she did. If they didn’t, it would probably be unsatisfying as an ending, though I do understand why she chose to end it as she was waiting to receive her acceptance or rejection from Harvard.

On the amazon page, there’s a short video of Liz Murray talking about her story, and even after listening to her for 2 minutes, I can see how she was strong enough to write her story without blaming, exusing or whining. In her book, she told about how she couldn’t have made it through without the bits of help she received from institutions and individuals, and she gives the link to an organization that serves to feed hungry children: Blessings in a Backpack.

This isn’t an easy read at all, but I’m glad I read it. Any book that increases my awareness and compassion is a good thing for me. A line from the very beginning of the book set the tone:

“They had no intention to harm us. They simply did not have it in them to be the parents I wanted them to be. So how could I blame them?” (p. 50 ARC).

Jennifer Donovan reads books to inform, to entertain, and to escape. She blogs at Snapshot.

"

Mocha for Linda

TSMSS - For My Boy: "

In honor of my boy, whose Eagle Scout Court of Honor is today.




Visit Amy's for more songs!

"

"What does A.M. and P.M. stand for?"

Last night my nine year old asked her daddy what does a.m. and p.m. stand for? I wasn't sure so I had to google it. This is what we told her;

A.M. means:

Origin: L ante meridiem
before noon: used to designate the time from midnight to noon, also A.M., a.m., or am
 
P.M. means:
 

P.M. also p.m. or P.M.

abbreviation post meridiemUsage Note: By definition, 12 A.M. denotes midnight, and 12 P.M. denotes noon, but there is sufficient confusion over the meanings of A.M. and P.M. when the hour is 12 to make it advisable to use 12 noon and 12 midnight where clarity is required.
 
Taken from; http://www.yourdictionary.com/p-m-abbv

What is the BA?

Bible Advocate is one of the oldest religious magazines in America. Our mission is to advocate the Bible and to represent the Church of God (Seventh Day) that publishes the magazine.

The BA offers a variety of material in each issue:  poetry and articles on Bible doctrine, current social and religious issues, Christian living, practical teachings on Bible topics, textual or biblical book studies, and personal experience.

Send us your snail mail address for a free subscription!

Please note: The Bible Advocate print version is not sent via e-mail. Please provide your regular mailing address when subscribing.

Take part in something wonderful . . .

help spread the Word.

To reach foreign readers of the Bible Advocate and to offset rising costs of postage, we are now providing the current issue in PDF format.

While this will help us cost-wise with foreign mailings, we still need your financial support of this ministry. Send a check or money order to Bible Advocate, P. O. Box 33677, Denver, CO 80233, USA, or  call 1-877-416-7337 to donate by using a credit card.

 

Now What?

http://nowwhat.cog7.org/Articles/SocialIssues/Pornography/My_Fathers_Porn.html

My Father’s Porn

---

A painful walk toward healing.
              by Amber Piper*

I was a seven-year-old cutie when I discovered my dad’s pornography. I had seen porn before at my uncle’s house. While it cut my female core, it fit my uncle’s character. He was a terrible man, so I could expect him to have this terrible thing in his house.

But not my dad, I thought. He loves Mom. At least he always says so. True, dad playfully flirted with my aunts and other women friends, but he always treated them and Mom kindly, unlike my uncle who obviously hated females.

Pain of porn

The magazine I saw that day was the typical 1980’s girlie magazine — nothing hard core, nothing violent. Nevertheless, as I turned the worn pages of studs with their voluptuous, seductive-looking women, something died in my soul. Although we weren’t raised with any kind of religion and never went to church, I knew seeing those images was wrong. I would never be the same.

Like Adam and Eve in the garden after the Fall, I suddenly became aware of my own nakedness and began to feel ashamed of my body and of my gender. At one point, I felt so much shame that I recoiled inside every time I had to undress to shower or change clothes.

Aside from shame, I also began questioning my father. I wondered why he had this thing that was so scary to me. I wondered what made him look at naked women and if there was something wrong with my mom. Then I wondered if there was something wrong with me.

Emotional war

The older I got, the more my body looked like those women’s bodies in the girlie magazines. If my dad looked at naked women he wasn’t married to, I reasoned, why wouldn’t he try to look at me that way? This became the fundamental, haunting question of my life.

I couldn’t stop fearing that my dad would want to also see me naked. Spending any time alone with him was paralyzing. Hugs and kisses became agonizing. Yet there was still a desire for his approval. It was like a war — one of hungering for dad’s affection while struggling with what getting that affection might mean.

Psychology of seduction

In dealing with sexual fear, some girls decide to make themselves unattractive through poor hygiene or by gaining weight. I didn’t have the strength to make myself overweight, for I was sure I’d lose his approval.

I decided to become a beautiful, controlling seductress instead. If my dad (and eventually any other older man) approached me, it wasn’t going to be because he was perverted but because I was so alluring, he couldn’t stop himself. It would be my fault, not his. I would take the choice away from him.

I knew I had to turn on seduction the second I thought my dad or any other man was coming after me. I had to make it a way of life; seduction had to define me, and eventually it did. I could control boys by the way I held my body, used my eyes, flattered with my tongue.

Coping through control

I could also control my emotions by completely asphyxiating them while engaging in sexual acts. I practiced this every time I masturbated, which was at least once a week by the time I was twelve years old. Some use pot, others heroin. Orgasm was my numbing drug of choice.

I was not shy about hiding my body from my parents, as long as they were together. When I’d get new swimsuits or dresses, I’d model them seductively as I’d seen women do on TV and in magazines. My family would cheer and hoot. As far as I know, that is as far as it ever went with my dad. But I was always tense, always ready.

Lost identity

My reputation preceded me the first weeks of high school. When I’d meet people from other middle schools, the boys would tell me they’d heard about me and call me degrading names. Though deeply wounded, I believed those names were true.

After a year, I couldn’t handle the rejection and tried to redeem myself by hooking up with a “good boy.” If I could be the girlfriend of this nice, straight-A boy, then I must be good. Jeremy wouldn’t have me if I were a bad girl, so I had to hold on to this safe relationship at all cost.

As such, I completely lost my identity and became all that Jeremy wanted me to be. When he threatened to break up, I desperately clung to him. He rejected me more.

Divine companion

Looking back, I see that Jeremy’s rejection was a part of God’s wooing me. Soon after, I attended a youth group meeting and heard the good news about Jesus Christ for the first time. A boy sang about God being all he needed, not some girlfriend or a 4x4 truck. God whispered in my soul, “Amber, I’m all you need. I love you more than any boy could. You don’t need Jeremy. You need Me. I’ll never leave you.”

That summer I “honeymooned” with God. With help from my youth pastor’s wife, I totally turned around. In fact, when I started the next school year, a new, good reputation preceded me. People who used to be cruel asked what happened to me. I gladly professed my Redeemer.

Continued sin

The fury of my sexual addiction and need for control were not fully appeased, however — only subdued. While I stopped making out in gym class with a different guy every week, I pursued longer relationships with shy Christian guys who moved slower.

But those relationships all ended the same way: me seducing boys for a time, us giving into a sexual act, and me walking the aisle the next week in church to repent of it. 

STD’s

When I was 20, I was diagnosed with Human Papillomavirus (HPV), or genital warts. I finally brought my self-defeating prophecy to fruition: I was just like one of those women in the girlie magazines: unworthy or unable to get the good guy who really loved her. Now the possibility of winning a decent man was entirely out of the question.

My promiscuous ways would have continued had I not come face to face with the possibility that I had contracted Hepatitis B. My despair and self-hate was so consuming that I chose to engage in unprotected sexual acts with a man I knew had chronic Hepatitis B.

Desire for healing

After confessing this near-deadly choice, I realized the depth of my hurt and the dishonor I was bringing to Christ. Like the sinful woman in the Bible who pushed through her shame to anoint Jesus, I pushed through my shame and asked Him to heal me.

When I started this walk toward healing, I kept saying to myself, It’s not like I was abused. All did was see a little porn. It’s the American pastime!

Bad fruit

Early on, I was so focused on killing the bad fruit (acting out sexually), I failed to examine the root cause. Once I dealt with the bad fruit, I saw other bad fruit sprouting in non-sexual areas.

One of these was an inability to have a genuine quiet time. Although I memorized Scripture and practiced all the other Christian disciplines, nothing could shake the subconscious fear I had about being alone with God. During a counseling session with my pastor and his wife, I finally realized that I saw God as my dad and that God was just waiting to take advantage of me when we were alone.

Warped view

I also saw that my early exposure to Dad’s porn influenced the way I viewed my God-given femininity. I despised womanhood because to be feminine was to be weak, in both physical strength and emotional fortitude. I wanted no part of that weakness, which the women in the magazines (and later, in videos) all shared.

Instead, I became just like my father. While I was effective at getting the job done, I left wounded people — usually men I trampled on — in my wake. This also remains a troubled area for me, and I’m praying that God will allow me to fully embrace my femaleness as His plan for my life.

Living with lies

While I read all the marriage books and prayed that God would renew my mind, I still hopped in my honeymoon bed, subconsciously believing that the entire reason women were given in marriage was to sexually satisfy their husbands. I saw women as commodities and receptacles of men’s pleasure.

Running parallel to that lie was the belief that sex and love are mutually exclusive and may even be the opposite. The ability to suppress my emotions during sex, now with my husband, came right back. I put on my game face, copped a centerfold smile, and shut down my soul. It didn’t matter that I never felt emotionally connected to my husband. Sex isn’t about emotion; it’s about orgasm. It didn’t matter that I was beginning to despise my husband’s God-given desire for me; sex was despising.

Reviving a feminine heart

The most excruciating task of all  this has been undoing my marriage bed. Although we’ve been married for six years, I’ve only just begun to be fervently honest with my husband about our sexual relationship. How I wish I could tell you that he received it well and that our bed has become a place of complete safety, oneness, and love. But that would not be true.

Sleeping with a Playboy bunny is easy; it requires no work. Tending a fragile, blooming flower is much harder; it requires emotional intimacy, gentle touches, understanding, and time. Asserting that right to be cherished and adored is even harder. Honestly, I sometimes regret rocking the boat and walking toward health. It’s easier to travel the known, to put on my game face and check out emotionally.

But God is bringing my feminine heart back to life. He is pursuing it and wants it to experience good, safe feelings again. And while the light I walk toward seems to fade in and out (sometimes weekly), I believe by faith that He won’t leave me where I am.

Amber Piper is a pseudonym.

(in)courage ~ Here for the hearts of women

A Human Mosaic

Tags:  Daily Guests, Imperfection

This exhausting battle with becoming true faced – the intentional drop of the façade, and the joyful embrace of the quirkiness – both amuses and saddens me, daily.
You see, I’m a recovering people pleaser.
That desire to fit in, to be liked, and yet…be “unique”, like…well, everyone else, has been as familiar to me as breathing.  Comparison became an involuntary function, “Insecure” my middle name.
Once you learn to live under the tremendous weight of this baggage, it becomes the way you function…
crippling the way you carry yourself,
coloring the way you engage with others,
warping the way you perceive God…and His plan for your life.
Isn’t it amazing how easily we get this all wrong?  We know what brews in our hearts, what we wrestle with in our minds, and what taunts us from our past…and on this, we base our self-perception, our value, our worth.  And yet we look at others – the well polished exterior – and make an assessment based on that single layer of their existence.
We judge, applaud, compare.
And most often, based on that broken scale, we come up short.
But you see, it is I that constructed this scale in the first place.  Of course it’s faulty.  It was never intended to be.
We have been wired – absolutely and intentionally – different.  Marvelously unique.  And rather than thrive in the delight of this reality, we try to fix, and survive amidst, what we view as wrong with us.
I am discovering, on this glorious road to freedom, that comparison kills contentment.  Go ahead; read that again, it’s profound…
As sure as the dawn, comparison will kill contentment.
So what do we do with our brokenness, if not resent and hide it?
I have experienced, first hand, the destructive, exhausting, pretentious lifestyle of hiding, and you could not pay me enough to live there again.
For I have tasted the light, sweetness of freedom, and I could never go back.
I will never forget that hot day in August, 2003, while sitting in the front row of a stadium in New York, listening to Pam Stenzel talk about purity.  It was just 2 months before I was set to marry the man of my dreams, a guy I was sure had fallen for the girl I was pretending to be, the girl I so badly wanted to be.
But God met me in the dark, dirty caverns of my heart.  Places I was determined to never revisit.  Concealment, I was certain, was my only hope.

I couldn’t have been more wrong.

As it all came tumbling out; the ugly, the painful, and the downright shocking, a sense of intense fear began to grow, threatening to pull me back into hiding.
But even then, God was facilitating the exchange.  The fear was soon overpowered by a boldness that started to rise within me, and a weightless that sweetly settled on my heart, wooing me on to surrender more of what I had so ferociously protected.
I had carried this load for so long that I had no idea what it felt to live without it, to “travel light”.
God tenderly started to put me back together, like an artist painstakingly crafting a masterpiece from little shards of broken, irregularly shaped glass.  Pieces of something that used to be “put-together”, now repurposed in something new, something bigger…astonishingly beautiful and deliciously unorthodox.
It is true.  I used to want to look like a clear, crisp glass vase.
Pretty.
Striking.
Uncomplicated.
Untainted by the chips and dents of a messy life.
But I’m realizing that isn’t the image God is calling me to portray.
He gets no glory in my apparent perfection, in my finely-tuned charade.
It is in my brokenness, and reconstruction, in the wild, multi-faceted flicker of His light within me – glowing through those very shards I tried so desperately to cover up – that His beauty is displayed to a watching world.
Never before have I been so confident that He is more than able to bring about beauty from our brokenness.

The question now is simply this: will you surrender your past to the creative genius of a loving, redemptive God?

{who knows, you just might like being a human mosaic}

Ps.  In case you’re wondering…he did still marry me.  The real me!

by Joy McMillan, Simply Bloom

Tagged as: Brokenness, faith, Grace, identity in Christ

5 Minutes For Books

Dewey’s Nine Lives, review and giveaway: "

Christian Women Online

Taste and See that the Lord is Good! Christian Women Online

Godsy Girl

"But I can't find the right church": "Finding the right church can be a very daunting and confusing journey.



Sometimes, people grow frustrated in the process and are tempted to just give up. But, you can't!



Regardless of how you feel or how long the search takes, attend (some) church each week. You may not feel you're benefiting from it, but you are.



Here's an analogy I gave some one not long ago:



Say you eat at a restaurant and the food is mediocre. However, although the meal wasn't the greatest, your body was nourished and you gained strength from the food. You don't stop eating because you cannot find a good eatery do you?



It's the same with church. So, keep visiting Bible-believing churches until you find your home. Each week, you'll gain spiritual strength and fellowship.



Remember, no church will be perfect. Trust God and go wherever He leads- even if it doesn't seem 100% right. Know God's voice and follow Him.




As the old people used to say you need to be in "somebody's church". Amen, Godsy Girl?



P.S. Don't allow fear to paralyze you into making NO decision. So what if you pick the wrong one? You can always leave and re-align with God's plan. That's the magic of grace.

"

Wild Olive Tees

Meet the Teunis Family: "

We at Wild Olive are a passionate crew. And one thing that we are exceedingly passionate about? ADOPTION.

In an effort to help others who are in the process of adoption, we have started an adoption fundraising program to help families raise support to bring their children home. We would love to introduce you to some of the families who are participating in our program… and we will continue to post about other featured families in the weeks and months to come.

Without further ado, meet the Teunis Family.

Our Journey to Adoption

Isaiah 43:5-7

We are Steve and Jennifer Teunis. Our hearts have been on a journey to this place for longer than we have known. When God revealed this to us, we just knew without a doubt that our hearts and our family were created for this.God has blessed our family beyond measure. Honestly, it would seem that we have it all. We have a wonderful love story, we have 4 healthy children; a beautiful home in a wonderful, safe Midwestern community. God has led us as we have triumphed through our own personal heartbreak and He held the wheel that helped us navigate our children through the heartbreak of divorce and then the stress and adjustment of a blended family. We have laughed and cried and prayed our way to this wonderful place of peace in our lives.

It would seem strange perhaps then, that we would each feel this longing for something more. Not in a way of needing something else, not discontentment….but that God might HAVE something else for us? Something to learn or to experience, to share or to Praise Him in; that our lives are not just about getting to this place and this is IT. Is there an opportunity to serve, to enrich, to bless, or to discover a closeness to Him that we haven’t even been able to conceive of? Maybe any of those, maybe all of them, maybe more that we can even imagine.

We blended our family of all boys, 7 years ago. I guess you could say we were ‘almost done” as our kids are aged 13-24. We have a college graduate, a college sophmore and 1 each in high school and middle school. Now, we are starting all over and there isn’t a big enough font to type and tell you, just how EXCITED we are to bring home a baby girl from Ethiopia. We never imagined this path for oursleves really, but we are so grateful that God has laid adoption on our hearts. We are so excited to see how He leads us on this road. We are very mindful that HE is in control and this journey and it will not take one day longer, or come one day sooner, than He sees fit. He is preparing every situation for us to bring home the the exact little girl He has for our family.

At times this process does get tedious and wary, but I firmlly believe that it is in those times that He is doing mighty work. We are growing spiritually and learning more and more about waiting on and trusting The Lord. It isnt right to say that we are waiting on God’s timing, and then get frustrated when it takes so long. So we wait with hopeful hearts.

Please pray for us and for our new little munchkin. We are already falling in love with her and don’t even know who she is yet. He is knitting our hearts together accross time and miles. If you feel so moved, you can help us on our journey by purchasing an adoption Tee Shirt through our TEAM TEUNIS family store, as a portion of every sale, will go directly towards the adoption costs and the travel costs (which just got bigger ~ 2 Trips are required now ;-/)

Thank you for stopping and reading our story.

~ PEACE

Jennifer Teunis

Our blog: Cry of My Heart

"

Reading Rockets: Parents Resources

Revisiting Read-Aloud: Instructional Strategies that Encourage Students' Engagement with Text: "This article describes evidence-based practices that encourage first graders' engagement with texts. The authors review reading as a transactional process, revisit the benefits of reading aloud to students, provide a rationale for promoting engagement with texts, discuss three literacy strategies implemented in one first-grade classroom, and share examples of work contributed by the students."

Komen News

2010 Komen Brinker Award for Scientific Distinction Winners Announced at San Antonio Breast Cancer Symposium: "An American scientist studying how breast cancer may alter the hormonal development of mammary glands and a South Korean physician improving ways to predict the effectiveness of certain breast cancer treatments were honored Thursday night as this year’s winners of the Susan G. Komen for the Cure® Brinker Award for Scientific Distinction in basic science and clinical research."

Health Tips

Blood pressure tip: Stress out no more: "Stress or anxiety can temporarily increase blood pressure. To reduce . . ."

Children's Book Press

Books on dealing with disaster: "

A Place Where Sunflowers Grow is one of several books reviewed in the article “A Dozen Great Books: Dealing with Disaster: Ways of Coping, Healing and Fighting Back,” in the Fall 2010 issue of the Journal of Children’s Literature. As the authors of the article state, “Our hope is that readers will be moved by these stories as they encounter characters’ hardships and ponder their paths to healing and action.”

The Journal of Children's Literature is published bi-annually by the Children’s Literature Assembly (CLA) of the National Council of Teachers of English (NCTE). The journal provides professional and extensive coverage and information of books published for children and young adults.

The journal is great reading for lovers and scholars of children’s literature. Here’s the review of A Place Where Sunflowers Grow:

A Place Where Sunflowers Grow by Amy Lee-Tai. Illus. Felicia Hoshino. San Francisco: Children’s Book Press, 2006.

Even though it has been 13 months since Mari and her family were relocated to the Japanese internment camp in Topaz, Utah, she remains withdrawn and dejected. Mari’s artist father takes her to a drawing class, but the harsh reality of living in the camp inhibits her drawing. One day, Mari’s teacher asks the class to draw things that make them happy at Topaz. Unable to think of anything, Mari remembers some- thing that made her happy before coming to the camp. She draws her old backyard with its sakura trees, flowers, and swings, and hangs it on the barrack wall above her bed. Through her drawing and happier memories, Mari slowly recovers from the trauma of uprooting and the injustice of internment. The community connections she forms because of her drawings empower her to heal and remain hopeful, like the sunflowers she nurtures in the camp garden. Inspired by the paintings of the author’s artist grandmother, Hisako Hibi, on whose experience this story is based, Hoshino’s delicate artwork evokes the fragility of the family’s desert life and of continued hope.

read more

"

Breast Cancer News

Circulating Tumor Cells Linked with Recurrence of Early Breast Cancer: "Among women with early breast cancer, the presence of circulating tumor cells (cancer cells in the bloodstream) increased the risk of cancer recurrence and shortened survival. These preliminary results were presented at the 2010 San Antonio Breast Cancer Symposium. Among ..."

Komen

Susan G. Komen for the Cure® Mourns the Loss of Elizabeth Edwards: "Susan G. Komen for the Cure® expresses condolences to the family and associates of our long-time friend and ally Elizabeth Edwards, who passed away today following her long battle with breast cancer. Her passing reminds us that while we have come a long way in our fight to discover and deliver the cures to cancer, we still have a

long way to go, especially in the case of metastatic disease."

Like A Warm Cup of Coffee

Teaching Older Children To Be Encouragers, Not Second Parents: "

My son clearly has the choke hold down

I’ve been sending my quintessential first born five year old daughter mixed messages.

“Honey, you are not the mommy, you are the big sister. I need you to let me be mommy and you be an encourager.” 10 minutes later I will say, “Honey, can you please go check on your brother and make sure he’s not getting into anything.”

Mixed message.

Why don’t I want my daughter to play mommy to her siblings? Two main reasons, 1. she is not the mommy and should not have that responsibility, and 2. it will more than likely cause conflict and/or resentment in the relationship with her siblings. I want my children to have the freedom to love each other and encourager one another in grace, forgiveness, kindness, and truth. In fact, I want them to be best friends (or at the very least, be at peace with one another). If I allow my children to be second parent, my goal for their relationship will be seriously hindered.

I am finding that this truth crosses right on over to my brothers and sisters in Christ.

Our father is God, and He loves, corrects, guides, molds, disciplines, and instructs. He is the parent.

I am the child.

The sibling.

The encourager.

Now right about some of you (just like me) are saying, “well aren’t we supposed to speak truth to our brothers and sisters if they are doing something wrong?”

Hesitantly yes. After watching this and reading this I want to be very careful in how I walk that sensitive ground.

In the meantime, I’m going to head in this direction:

“By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:35

“Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8

“So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding.” Romans 14:19

“Live creatively, friends. If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day’s out. Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Share their burdens, and so complete Christ’s law. If you think you are too good for that, you are badly deceived.” Galatians 6:1-3 The Message

How do you teach your children to be siblings and not second parents? How do you think we should translate that into how we treat each other?

Recommended Resource: Making Brothers and Sisters Best Friends

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