As promised, I am going to start with a good look at those awful stereotypes. I will examine the myths on both sides of the issue. I can do this easily, because I have been on both sides of the issue. In eighteen years of marriage and fourteen plus years of motherhood I have seen it all.
I have been a tight-budgeted stay-at-home mom who makes everything from scratch to save money. I have been a full-time working mom who eats out 3 or 4 nights a week because I don't have time or energy to cook. I've prepared large meals that were part of a menu-plan, and I've walked in the door and popped Kids Cuisine in the microwave.
I have worked well-paying sales jobs, hourly call-center and assistant jobs, and even worked in a hot warehouse for a very short period of time, all while being a mom. I have experienced daycare and pre-school and juggling shifts as well as waking up and spending the entire day focused on my children.
My days have included meeting the play group at the park and meeting the networking group at the country club.
You probably won't agree with me throughout this whole series; however, you can't tell me that I don't understand where you are coming from.
So lets start with the working mom. It seems that in the church, some have a tendency to see all working moms as ultra-feminist, self-absorbed women who are working because they think that women should break the traditional role that was wrongly imposed on them by men. The church makes snarky comments about promotions and bonuses, indicating that this is what the working woman is out for. She does not think about her kids because she is too busy thinking about herself. (Okay, I am generalizing and picking on the church a little, but they will be defended as we look at the fear that fuels this tomorrow).
I'm sure some of these women exist in the world, but I have never met one. I have met 2 types of women in the workplace:
1 - The mom who enjoys her job so thoroughly that you just know she is living out her calling. She has a low level of stress and seems to handle family time, school events, and birthday parties better than I did as a stay-at-home mom. She sets a pleasant tone in her home, and smiles often. Although life doesn't always fit together perfectly, she handles it beautifully. Her family thrives because she is thriving. She is energized by what she is doing, and it energizes everyone around her. I feel the energy from moms like this - you can't help smiling and feeling good in their presence.
2 - The mom who cries often on her way to work because she really doesn't want to leave. She needs to work at the moment, and she has accepted that fact and does her best with everything, working as unto the Lord. She also makes time for her family, but the ease of spirit is not the same. There is a lot of guilt and stress. She is working on figuring out a way to be home someday.
So what about the stay-at-home mom? To hear some talk, she just didn't have what it took in school to go on and build a career. She is an uneducated freeloader who sits on the couch eating chocolate and watching soap operas. This is the type of woman who is at home because she did not really have the 'smarts' to do anything else. 'Poor thing, she will always be dependent on someone else.'
Again, I'm sure there is a woman out there who fits that description, but I've never met one. I've met a couple different types of stay-at-home moms:
1 - The mom who has always dreamed of being a mom and being a full-time homemaker. She sees this as her full time job, and she works it like one. She's very smart and creative, and uses her wisdom to make good economical decisions, always looking for ways to save her family money. She is a natural homemaker and having a desire to do anything else would be completely foreign to her. She is working her dream job.
2 - The mom who has spent time in her career, and was even very successful at it. She is well aware that her skills and experience could easily land her a great postition. And she might just do that one day... But for now, she has chosen to be a full time mom because it is important to her and she is able to. She might have been brought up with the notion that 'smart girls' go to college and get good jobs, but she has learned that 'smart girls' don't have to be a slave to that ideal. She can do what she enjoys most, and that happens to be staying home and focusing on her family right now. She will have to take the 'mommy track' looks from her former co-workers, and again in another season of life when she returns to work, but that is a sacrifice she is willing to make. She is fully enjoying her current job as a homemaker.
We haven't even touched on single moms, part time workers, and those who work at home or run their own businesses.
You might fit into one of these categories completely, or you might see a bit of yourself across a few. The difference between working your dream job and barely getting through the day can have some effect on the answer to the 'right question' that we discussed (Should you work outside the home?)
You might not fit in these categories at all, as technology today allows for all kinds of creative arrangements. Even the SAHM bloggers are working part time as writers, even if they are not paid.
So what is the heart of this matter? I believe that is motherhood, our beliefs about its importance, and our worries about where it is going. So tomorrow, we will focus on the value of motherhood, and how it fits in to our different lifestyles.
What kind of assumptions have people made about you? Have you ever made an assumption about someone else, and found out that you were completely wrong as you got to know her better?
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